The Mortal Fear of Initiation

Why is there such a Mortal Fear within me to start of something new? The more I think about it the more I keep on conjecturing about it, pondering about it, weighing the pros and cons rather than acting on it. I have a lot of self doubts within me & sometimes they tend to weigh me down. Am I really as good at something as others make me feel or is it just a self delusion that I am dwelling in? It seems like a Bubble some kind of Utopian world that I have created for myself within the realms of which I am happy & content. To say the Truth maybe I am really scared of moving out of this island paradise of mine in which I am appreciated & everyone around me thinks that I have a lot of Potential when it comes to certain aspects of my Life. It is like a promising Artist, a budding young talent in whom everyone pins a lot of faith & hope that they will become great one day but when they do start on their journey some of them just fade into oblivion. Some because of a lack of Self Belief, Some in the face of competition from their contemporaries & others because they lack the strength of will & determination required to succeed. Strangely I believe I am susceptible to all the aforesaid shortcomings & also the biggest drawback of all the conviction to start onto something that gives your life some meaning, something which makes you believe that you may be actually be onto something big. I strangely feel jealous of some of my friends who inspite of their Hardships in life are still struggling to find a purpose, a defining objective which lends some purpose to their otherwise mundane life. These are the sort of people who I might be scornful of because I feel that Life is all about Planning & Organizing your  Goals & they are guilty of not adhering to it but deep inside if I am truthful to myself I crave to do the same. I feel like Breaking Free of the Self Imposed Shackles that I have tied around my life & do something that I feel I may be way better than many of the populace. So What is it exactly that gives me a pause? Is it because I dont have the conviction to do something New as I have always been used to a disciplined & Organized chain of thought or Maybe Because I am an escapist running away from it under the false pretense of an overtly demanding schedule or maybe I am deluding myself into believing that I am content with my current State & pace of Life which does not demand much out of me. I believe it is an Amalgamation of all the factors & maybe a Few more which I am yet to be aware of. I strongly feel at times that I am too much of an idealist who believes a lot of theorizing rather than get down to the act of getting my hands dirty & actually get the job done. Someone who would sit at the Shore wondering in amazement at the raging Storm than actually taking the Boat docked on the Shore and brave the Storm just for the heck of exploring what lies beyond it. Maybe it is about time that I put on my armor, sharpen my Battle Axe & dive into the Heat of Battle rather than sitting comfortably in the Tent & Strategize about it.

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